Thursday, September 22, 2005

Knowing Thyself

Came across a wallpaper that said "You cannot set the course for where you want to go, unless you know where you are...."

It made me think about how ignorant i was about knowing myself........i had always been perplexed about what i wanted with life in general.....

i wanted happiness, wanted to do meaningful things, do things which would set me apart from the crowd,give me mental satisfaction, and in all i wanted to be one of those rare people who made a difference to the routine monotonous life they lived in......but the funny thing about it is that i dont know what exactly would bring about all this.....

At times i feel that it is money that matters most in this world...and then i think i must opt for a career and a way of life which would bring in lots of money...and with it all the importance and power it brings in....but then i was seldom attracted by luxuries...they havent meant much to me ever......and i have found myself most uncomfortable in the midst of extravagant comforts.....so its not pots of money that i want after all....

To be with friends and people who understand and reciprocate positively about the way i feel about things and appreciated my presence ......that part was never under my control....people come and go....you have to just stay aside and acknowledge each of them......

Then there is this spiritual inclination from early childhood....about restricting yourself to methods and conventions..like meditation and such which would bring about peace and control of mind..and ultimately lead to self realization and salvation from this world....but i havent stuck to it continuously ever....keep making detours...until one more failure or emotional breakdown brings me back.......its been like that always......


A bit of patriotism which got into my head from the school where i studied, where we were taught that it was simply great to live and die for one's country.....and i want my nation to be a forerunner in all aspects.....i myself want to be part of it....yet again i dont very much know how........

At times i want to be a writer( a reader first:)).....although i am not very much confident how much sense it would make to others ..as to what i write..:)....but i do think too much...and if i dont write..so much of my valuable musings would be going down the drain :).....thats bad..isnt it??................

Wish i would know answers to at least some of these, sometime from now.....so that when its time to die.....i get the feeling that...after all it was worthwhile.............

3 comments:

Nikhil said...

I guess ur writing makes a lot of sense ...and I really appreciate the way you could put down your thoughts...and I donno why I got this feeling that you are GEMINI :)

Nikhil said...

Your writing makes lot of sense and I really appreciate the way in which you have put down your thoughts ....I guess its good that you write ...Somehow I got this feeling that you too are a GEMINI ...is it ?

Soorya said...

Thanks for the comment Nikhil , by the way I am a CANCERian and not a GEMINI :-)