Making a Difference...............

I need to breakin from my memoirs to talk about something thats simmering within me since last couple of days.Just happened to have an argument with an Indian chat friend working in Dubai (not Neeth of course :)) and I feel I must speak my mind about it.A casual talk about the trip he had to a foreign country in the far middle-east, its a lovely place he says.Me hearing it and feeling a bit envious, wish I could travel around too.Then he makes this statement "They keep it so clean and superb..Indians should learn from them"Somehow that remark hurt a lot even though the stmt was 100% or maybe 200% true.I told him 'dont say Indians..its not somebodyelse..its we..its you and me'.And then he said he hated India,the crowded buses, the roads with gutters, the politicians who are bent on filling up their pockets and nothingelse, the corrupt officers,strikes...no development and nothing called law enforced in the land.He hated our orthodox cultures which had made his parents enforce unjustifiable restrictions on a young man.

Yes.................................................................................
Thats all true..................and theres much more to it.....................................................................................

We with our stinking cities,hopeless roads and the worst conditioned buses and trains, have nothing much to defend against these allegations.But what hurts is that these come from not a foreigner but from a fellow Indian who found greener pastures and now feels kind of embarassed that he hails from this hated land.
Who is to blame? Nobodyelse but ourselves.Half of our unemployed educated youth are mislead by antisocials or politicians and they end up as a social menace.Unemployment and poverty reigning everywhere, we are nowhere even after 56 years of independence!!.The other half of our better privilleged educated, end up settling in foreign lands,obviously everything is much much better there, why should they sacrifice their lives for a country doomed never to come up.And a good part of the people who go abroad ,enchanted by all the dazzling world in front of them, think themselves in heaven itself.

Where is all our self respect gone???? Dont we have any duty towards our motherland!!??How many countless times have we stood with arms outstretched and blurting out"India is my country and all Indians are my brothers and sisters.I love my country and am proved of its rich and varied culture and shall strive to be worthy of it"....thats the pupils pledge we made everyday in school years ago....sadly enough now I feel this oath mocking at me...My younger brother once said about a debate topic at college "Brain Drain is better than brain in the drain".So who is going to make the change?It has to be us..me and you..Everytime we say "this land is never going to prosper, we are questioning our own existence.Because one who doesnt respect or value himself , his parents or his nation can never be expected to command respect from others , bcoz these three are the ones with which one identifies himself.

Patriotism is inherent in all of us.....................its just that uplifting feeling when we cheer the Indian cricket team , Sania Mirza, Leander Paes or Narayan Karthikeyan to win for us.Each one of us need to get that feeling of oneness..then our battle is more than half won.
We never shun our dear home where we lived,laughed and cried and grew up,isnt it, even if its dilapidated and about to crash,we hold on to it with a feeling of affection, thats what we need for our country.All the social maligns that we possess are due to discontentment and selfishness.And we are to eradicate them one by one.....


Quoting John F Kennedy "Ask not what your country has given you, ask what you gave your country". Even the smallest stone can cause ripples....

" Turning Point "

And at last we were in Mangalore, Surathkal to be exact, 22kms from the coastal town of Mangalore, carrying a luggage that could support an army battalion(there were 21-25 bags in all i think :))..the railway porters shaking their heads in disbelief when achan tells them that it is all 'palahaaram'(sweets) and nothing more..and indeed they were..my word..I really dont know why ammomma chose such an embarassing way to show her love towards us.:)She had appointed people to cook up tons of 'achappam,murukku,pakkavada,munthirikothu and many others..the list is too long to remember :)Anybody would have thought our sole mission in life is to eat('theettipandarams')..

I am fond of travelling and being in new places..so i was kind of elated when we got to our quarters, the lighthouse nearby, thats where achan worked, and the beach and the sea.Me and brother playing our little games and i always had him enchanted with my 'pulu' stories which the poor child simply adored.It was the summer of 1989.

Then one day in late May amma got me ready for an interview at my new school,KREC Eng Med School adjacentto the Regional Engineering College, Surathkal which was just 15 min walk from our home.Achan warned me several times that I should appear smart and a 'midukki' when the teachers interviewed me and not be a 'mindapoocha'.I had my heart beating in my throat when we reached there.I made it a point not to give out a single word other than my name all through the interview and by the end, achan decided that they would advise him to admit me to a school for the deaf and dumb...such was my performance.

Enter one of the interview board members and I wait with bated breath for the inevitable to pass through her lips to me..and get me doomed.She said"she is admitted"..later i heard achan saying to amma that it was bcoz i had answered the arithmetic problems correctly,which had been assigned to me during the trial, that i got admission even though i was in 'mute' mode all the time :)...whatever it was..i was relieved that i escaped the scoldings..so much the better!!

Thats how i got into KREC school, that small,unassuming place which made me all that I now am..from the trembling , petrified creature..I had a long way to go..

" The Unexpected "

Sometime prior to the annual exams that year, achan came on leave from Bombay.He said he was transfered to a place called Mangalore and we were going with him..me , amma & aniyan...and I was shocked!!.I could hear him say that we are to be admitted to a very fine school there, that kids talked in English and all..I felt nervous from head to toe..eventhough the present was an English Medium one ..nobody spoke in English..My God!! how was I going to handle this?? and I lost all peace of mind..a string of nightmares followed about this dreaded school.

The Early Days

As long as I can remember, I was homesick like hell and from kindergarten to StdII, the 4 years in Chinmaya Mission school at Trivandrum wasnt a very welcome one.Amma still remembers how i had instant stomachaches and headaches many mornings and how they disappeared as the sound of uncle's bike grew distant(it was he who took me to school :) ).Not much company at school,infact I was a born introvert and very shy in mingling with other kids.Then there was this character of an "all in one tution master"..he was a relative cum neighbour to my family..i never knew why he came exactly when the "Ramayana"was being telecast..(imagine my plight..all the locality is in my home watching it..we were the pioneers in owning a TV set, a B&W one ..which was a very privileged one those days).All the time the tn. master taught, my mind was elsewhere, but then it was not my fault..he chose the wrong time to impart knowledge..so he has to pay with a less attentive student..:)..Thus with frequent genuine and not so genuine illnesses & sick leaves, I completed my second std from school.

Down Memory Lane

I guess its almost the same with everyone of us...when asked to pinpoint the best part of our lives,almost ninety percent of us would choose school or college days.Me being no exception..school life is my favourite,although I fear I have already lost many of the fond memories in the mad rush that ensued in the years that followed.

The Descent

even the moon which showed travellers the path down the centuries deserted me..i was all alone , struggling against mother nature...i knew then that this was one battle that i was about to lose...and then the unthinkable happened.. when i thought things couldnt get any worse..it happened..

and i was in no situation to control natures fury.. but i was left with no choice, had to fight my way out...like a cornered mouse i started my fight back.. ..all hell began to break loose...
and then it made its entry.......it suddenly came out of nowhere.. one second the road was clear and the next second it had engulfed the road completely.. the wind brought it to me..

i knew i had to pass this wretched place as soon as possible...there was no way i could wait for it to go away.. things cud get worse...
i had to find a way out of here...

"Entry,Exit and....the part in between"

Many times i have wondered..why is each one of us born..live our unique lives and die one day...What difference does it make to the universe that one more of human species had lived and died here??..then there is this theory that people remember u by ur deeds..that is true of course..but theres nothing called immortality..in thoughts..Sometimes it scares me and maybe kind of depresses..that the world would go on the same way as it is now..even if i died today..each one of us by ourself makes no difference to this vast universe..and yet we struggle our way to living here..
Childhood was a kind of real bliss..mostly bcoz we are ignorant about a lot and lot of things..and life is so much less complicated.And i would say people who can remain as children at heart all their lives are the most fortunate..bcoz the more you think the more mad you get..:)..
Death is as much difficult or more to comprehend as life is..Have never been able to acknowledge death all my life..its so mysterious..so unwelcome....Our world is more like the one Jim Carrey lives in "The TrueMan Show"..every single being doing his part..and the best actors are analogous to the most successful ones!!...But then we cannot remain stationary when everyoneelse is rushing forward..if you do you are bound to get crushed in the stampede!!..so we have to march on and on..not knowing where it will take us.......We know neither the beginning nor the end..only the part in between..

where sky meets the earth...

as i stood on top of the mountain, i could feel the icy cold wind blowing. even with 6 layers of clothing , it made no difference to the bitter coldness....the overwhelming feeling rose in me as to whether i would be able to make my stand here..the choice was not within me...and the high altitude made things even worse...breathing became a difficulty cus of the lack of oxygen... i drew a deep breath. trying to inhale the one thing that was aplenty from down where we came from, but up here even the air we breathe became a luxury....

i closed my eyes trying to comprehend why so many brave men gave up their lives to scale this mountain.....and as i gradually opened my eyes and took a look around.... my wonder turned to pure amazement...all i could see was endless rows and rows of snow covered peaks, glowing like gold in the hue of the evening sun . i knew then... that it was where, i also wanted to be one day... as i stood there, gazing for what seemed an eternity...time was rushing on.....the sun had to set. up here, there were... no birds to chirp away on their way home.... no trees to shed any leaves in the freezing breeze..

and i knew my quest has come to an end, this is where i have to turn back..my road ends here..
with a heavy heart and a sad soul i gently lowered my head and looked down on the snow i was standing...wishing that i could take a part of this with me forever and ever...as i started my walk back, i could feel the crunching sound of the snow beneath my feet...and i felt it was my heart that was feeling the pain....i had to come back here...one day......had to complete what i had left undone...my soul would b there forever , i had to take it to where it belonged...up where the earth meets the sky...........

reeling under the spell...

movie reels....
"cause"...... defines the best from the rest...
i always enjoyed watching movies that had a cause attached to it...
like freedom in braveheart and..
i will always remember how the bridge was guarded in saving private ryan
i suppose all of u will hav entirely different opinions bot this and thats what i wanna hear 4m u all...

the corner that's not so soft......

hi friends,
its after much delibration that i decided to put this topic on the board....kya kare, nobody seems to b interested in riting bot anything other than luv these days...

i dont hav anything to say, but i kno a lot of u r really good at it...i meant writing ,ok :-)

closer 2 heaven dan ever b4

it all started like any other trip....but little was we to know that something beyond our wildest imagination was about to happen on that Dday.
As i sat in the back seat of the car looking out ...the only thing that my eye could conjure was the endless stretch of barren land.....miles and miles upon.. we rode , me wondering when we will ever cross the dead zone....
to be continued ...........